10 Dating Mistakes Even The Smart Women Make

How often have you regretted “ignoring the signs” or “wasting time” with someone you knew wasn’t the right person after a date?

What similarities can you find between the last five to ten dates you went on?

Do you frequently go on dates with the same man? Are you feeling guilty about letting men treat you badly, or have you discovered that you are pushing them away to reinforce your negative self-image?

Although we can put the blame on “men today,” the truth is that smart women have a lot more control than most of us are willing to admit over how our dating experiences turn out. Here, we outline ten dating tips. (and with much less stress).

Here are 10 dating errors that even the most intelligent, savvy women commit:

You don’t believe what you think right away

Having no emotional attachments or preconceived notions allows you to have the most clarity when you first meet someone. It’s important to hang onto any vibes or words the person in front of you gives off that make you feel uneasy.

Example: You and a guy are texting and he makes a “joke” that shows disrespect for a certain group of people, or maybe he says something sexually suggestive before you meet. It’s simple to brush it off by claiming that there was no tone in the text or giving a pass, but in this case, they are either trying to make a good first impression or don’t care at all. In either case, it’s a warning.

You don’t give your relationship with yourself enough attention.

The idea that you must love yourself before you can love anyone else, or have them love and respect you, has been said so often that it has started to sound a bit cliched, but there is a lot of truth to it. You’re less likely to fall into the tangled web of validation-seeking, which frequently leads to actions that ultimately hurt us, when you know (and like) who you are and are comfortable holding out for what you want.

You don’t have to give up what you truly want and deserve in order to avoid rejection, give your love, affection, body, and time to people who don’t appreciate it, or do anything else like that. It’s time to work on getting things right with you if you feel “pressure” going into dates.

It’s hard to accept that most dates don’t result in long-term relationships.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to find someone special and start feeling the groovy love vibes, but if you go on dates thinking that every person will be “the one,” you’re setting yourself up for a lot of heartbreak.

Think about it logically for a second: It makes sense that we would become more selective about who we choose to spend time with as we get older and more aware of who we are and what we want. Instead of putting yourself (and the date) under that kind of pressure, focus on what you can count on from the experience: a chance to meet someone new. There it is. (for now).

You avoid posing the difficult questions up front.

On the first date, you definitely want to keep it lighthearted and have fun, but you should also feel completely at ease challenging remarks that suggest that you wouldn’t make a good long-term match. You can absolutely ask a man to clarify his preferences if he claims to have recently ended a marriage or isn’t sure he wants children and you’re hoping to find your future husband and start a family.

You must also be truthful about your current situation in life. Meeting new people is never a waste of time, but dating the wrong person for six to eight months will only delay finding the right partner.

You continue being in stale relationships, and the cycle continues.

The constant texts and “hanging out” with guys who have made it clear they won’t ever really date you are what we’re referring to.

The issue is not that we aren’t “having fun,” but rather that we become accustomed to our social circles, which keeps us from meeting new people and dating those who share our interests. The bottom line is: Don’t Netflix and relax if that’s not what you want to do.

You don’t establish limits.

We can certainly demonstrate to others what we will and will not accept, even if we can’t “teach” them how to treat us. It is your responsibility to alert someone who has crossed the line. Making justifications for inappropriate behaviour is a mistake that will only encourage more of the same. Do you really want that? If not, only you (and you alone) have the power to end it.

You were blinded by your fantasy.

This one kills us romantics, I tell you. You meet a man who is “everything you’ve ever wanted,” “the most gorgeous,” and “charming” (No? Just me?). Oh, and he has a Spanish accent. Before you know it, you’re daydreaming about barefoot Ibiza dancing while ignoring the fact that his deeds don’t exactly match his words.

It’s so simple to fall in love with the concept of love itself, forgetting that there must be much more than just chemistry, attraction, and desire for a relationship to be genuine, respectful, and long-lasting. Verify that your values are in harmony, that you are facing the same way, and that the movement in your stomach is caused by butterflies and not anxiety.

You don’t promote yourself enough

Keep in mind that it’s a game of numbers. When I called my best friend in a fit of rage, she asked, “How many dates have you been on this month?” and laughed when I said two. You need to get out there and meet more people if you want to have a better chance of connecting with people. I make at least five sales calls a week.

She was accurate. In addition to bringing more people into my life, “getting out more” also made it much less intimidating when I had a bad date.

You despise men.

Let’s not continue to attribute the decline of dating to one gender. Yes, dating apps have changed the rules of the game, and more men and women are participating now than ever. But it’s unfair to sit there and criticise all men based on the dozen d-bags you’ve met (and allowed yourself to interact with).

There are good guys out there, and assuming they will all be liars, cheaters, or jerks before you even meet them is unfair and can have disastrous results. Nobody wants to feel as though they must make up for someone else’s sins.

You postponed living your life in order to pursue a potential romance

Some of us do need to be reminded that reserving male attention for apps on your phone is not only limiting but also self-defeating. I don’t think any woman needs to be told not to put her life on hold until she’s in a relationship.

While you’re out and about, keep your eyes open and explore different ways to meet people.

Get on a few apps if you want, but otherwise, socialise with friends, volunteer, attend networking events, take cooking classes, or do anything else that makes you happy. Nothing is more alluring than a woman who is content with her life and willing to share it with someone deserving of it.