3 All-Too-Common Insecurities That Destroy Relationships

Without a doubt, men and women have some similar insecurities, but dating highlights some significant differences. I’ve discovered patterns in the gender-specific insecurities from the hundreds of clients I’ve counselled over the years.

Men and women are more equal today than they have ever been, but sexism is still pervasive and still brings out creepy, intrusive insecurities that can make dating stressful in a variety of ways. Look over the insecurities listed below and determine which ones you may have succumbed to.

These 3 all-too-common insecurities that ruin relationships are listed below:

Am I doing well enough?

Because they are frequently told from an early age that having a good job and being a financial provider is what equals a “real man,” men make up the majority of those who struggle with dating insecurity.

As a result, many men in my office have opened up to me about how uncomfortable they feel when women ask them what they do for a living. In particular, I have worked with a lot of men who felt embarrassed to pick up their date in an old or economy car or to be unable to afford to take their dates to cheap restaurants due to a lack of money.

No matter how advanced our society has become, men still aspire to be the knight who stands as the provider.

How to handle it: Focus on your objectives if having brass-ring professional success is important to you. Make monthly lists of your specific professional goals and mark them off as you complete them. You should also enrol in classes, obtain the necessary certificates or degrees, and constantly remind yourself that success takes time.

You must let go of anyone who depends on you to achieve greater success at this time. (And later, they’ll eat their hearts out!)

How thin am I?

Women’s body insecurities skew in the opposite direction from men’s, who frequently worry about wanting to be strong and muscular. When it comes to their bodies, women are much harder on themselves than men are. I frequently tweet, for instance, about how women celebrities’ weight is brought up in the media while men in the same field frequently get off with a free pass.

Our culture’s obsession with thinness is so intense that many women start strict, deprivation-based diets or take harmful supplements to boost their metabolism and burn fat. Simply put, we need to get rid of this insecurity.

The unapologetically honest truth is that if you routinely worry about something, you need to take action. Exercise is the obvious answer in this situation.

Remember that you don’t have to exercise in a gym. Take brisk walks, use a treadmill at home, or practise yoga or cardio with DVDs or for free online. Taking care of your body will inevitably help you feel better about your appearance.

Do I have enough interest?

The annoying popularity contest that begins in junior high and high school and lasts through college is the source of this insecurity. Popular movies, especially romantic comedies, exacerbate the situation.

We all developed the notion that every word we use in a dating conversation should be clever and witty, interesting and funny. Men and women both experience this insecurity, especially those who don’t participate in a lot of extracurricular activities or hobbies, which could theoretically make one appear more dynamic.

Hobbies do make passing the time a little more interesting, but you only need to be as interesting as your partner. One of my clients once said, “I don’t have hobbies, but I feel like I’m supposed to.” And obviously not everyone can be Gandhi.

How to handle it: Remind yourself that everyone has a different personality and that the lifestyle one chooses is dependent on that. Or, to put it another way, it’s about using different tactics for various people. Understand that a large percentage of men and women are content to be homebodies or to live quieter, more introverted lives, even though some men and women have boundless energy and personalities that thrive off social interactions with others.

The key message is to never apologise for who you truly are. Send that person shopping for someone else if they don’t find you interesting enough.

Focusing on areas where you believe you could use improvement and taking action to address them will help you feel less insecure. Avoid overthinking the things you cannot change by concentrating on the things you can.

The most crucial objective is to take action and to stop yourself when you start whining excessively about any perceived deficiencies. Above all, treat yourself nicely when you’re out there dating!

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