Relationships are easy to fail at.I don’t know about you, but I’m starting to feel like a pro at breakups.It’s surprisingly simple.
Even when we don’t want our relationships to end in weeks of turmoil, continuous tears, or terrible radio silence, they can.
However, I’ve discovered that learning how to approach our relationships for long-term success isn’t about spicing things up in the bedroom, looking for something more interesting, or matching your fundamental views with someone.
To get to the heart of why our relationships fail, it’s typically because neither we nor our partners feel seen and heard.
One individual decides that being single is preferable to being misunderstood, and that’s the end of it. It’s all over.
So, let’s take a look at the top ways we may improve our knowledge of one another.I’ve developed a list of the top ten keys to long-term relationship success. Let’s get started.
You understand how to communicate openly.
There is a voice inside every human that tells us when we are being heard and seen.
Assume you’re on a date with someone you’re interested in. You might say it was fantastic, or you could say it wasn’t so fantastic, and the individual responds, “I feel so distant from you.”
What are you going to do? Feeling betrayed and enraged? Do you feel compelled to distance yourself from them?
How could they have gotten you so wrong?
Consider how you communicate with your partner. Do you open up about your emotions and tell them how you feel? Or do you avoid being exposed and expressing yourself?
The more you let someone to fully see and comprehend what motivates you, the better they will grasp your inner world, sense of vibrancy, and what makes you tick.
Displaying your inner enthusiasm is both charming and sensual. It gets simpler to share your peculiar little inner world with someone else when you are completely at ease and comfortable with yourself.
Don’t be concerned; someone will find you.There is no one else to be except yourself.
You understand that listening is a two-way street
We’re accustomed to listening to others and responding in kind. It’s easy to believe that listening is a one-way street.
If I feel heard, I’ll respond so that you feel heard. Right?
That is not the case in romantic or even friendship relationships.
If you want a long-term relationship or friendship to succeed, you must be able to actively listen and be present.
To take the conversation deeper, you must engage with what your partner is saying, echo back their remarks with understanding, and ask questions.
In other words, nodding your head and being a passive listener isn’t enough; you must actively participate in the discourse.
Perhaps you aren’t a good listener right now. That’s OK.Listening requires bravery, compassion, and vulnerability. At first, it may feel weird.
It is about being fully present and open to the person with whom you are conversing.
However, if you get into the practice of listening, it becomes second nature and you can do it without becoming distracted by your surroundings.
When you actively listen to your spouse, you open up your mind and heart to hear their responses.
You demonstrate interest and concern.
It might be as basic as telling your lover what they’re wearing or some of the attributes you admire in them on occasion.
You don’t have to say these things all the time, but showing that you’re paying attention is a good place to start.Be warm and kind.
Tell them that being with someone can be soothing and supportive. You don’t have to be a natural communicator. You can simply demonstrate your interest by smiling or laughing.
At the heart of the matter, it’s critical to consider what our partner finds significant and loving.
When you learn what motivates them, you’ll begin to comprehend why they do what they do and help to fuel that passion that few people see in one another.
That is the crucial distinction between enduring love and an endless nightmare.But how can we actually care about another person?
We far too often slide into codependent roles in which one is a hero and the other is a victim. When we don’t understand what our spouse genuinely requires, it’s all too tempting to jump in and “fix” them, only to find ourselves in a dreary, bitter routine.
So many of us unknowingly ruin our love lives in this way.The answer is found in your relationship with yourself.
I came found some useful and straightforward advise from renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. Love, as Rudá argues in this thought-provoking film, is not what many of us believe it to be. It’s not about trying to fix others and slipping into the trap of codependency.
It is about meeting our own fundamental needs with one another and, most crucially, with ourselves.
The more we realize what we genuinely require, the more we will be able to relate to one another on a deep and meaningful level.
Nothing is forbidden.
The key to long-lasting relationships is to engage in exciting, interesting, insightful, and difficult topics and conversations.
Nothing is off-limits, whether it’s what you enjoy between the sheets but are too terrified to discuss, how the death of a beloved pet shocks you to your core, or how you grew up and are too humiliated to acknowledge to anybody.
You and your spouse can get to know each other’s feelings and opinions if you are both comfortable being raw and vulnerable with each other.
In order to have a better understanding, ask probing questions.
Laughter and poor jokes can also be used to get unpleasant situations out of the way. The more outrageous, the better.
You may believe that you speak every day. But do you understand what your partner is saying and what it means?
And how do you think they feel?
Many of the hidden meanings and messages in talks will become clearer as you become more comfortable conversing with each other, and the dialogues will begin to lead to deeper understanding.
5) You give your partner sufficient room.
Giving your spouse space and allowing them to be alone is a vital aspect to long-term relationship success.
Giving your partner time to do the activities they enjoy demonstrates your faith in them and respect for them as a person.
It also reminds them of the lovely person they are when left alone.
For example, if your partner like skiing and you dislike being cold, encouraging them to go on a mountain vacation with friends or by themselves will make them feel pleased and empowered from within.
When they return, they will bring that enthusiasm back into your relationship.
People who have a high sense of self-esteem and confidence are better able to be alone while simultaneously relating to others.
It can be tempting to change your partner’s habits or preferences just because you believe they are causing problems in the relationship.
But keep in mind that by doing so, you are robbing your partner of his or her ability to be self-sufficient and happy.
The goal is to not become preoccupied with how your partner makes you feel. They would want to be with someone who genuinely loves and supports them as individuals 9 times out of 10.
Just don’t get caught up in the trap of wanting your spouse and feeling lonely or incomplete when they leave.
You know how to collaborate to discover solutions.
When things between two individuals don’t work out, whether because they’re too busy or lack patience, it can help to brainstorm solutions together and get them on the same page.
You are not required to state, “We should do this” or “We shouldn’t do that.”
It’s more about figuring out what you both want, which is frequently much simpler than it appears on the surface.
However, being honest, transparent, and courteous will make your spouse feel more confident in you and how to approach difficulties with you.This improves your relationship even further.
You may occasionally direct the reaction. Your partner may take command at times. And every now and again, you attempt something that just feels natural.
The notion is that you are willing to experiment, learn, and explore. Instead of attempting to control and determine what should happen next.
You understand how to value people
When we feel seen and heard, we value the distinctive qualities of others more, and our self-esteem rises as a result. We ask more questions, pay more attention, and grow more interested in them.
When you feel acknowledged by another individual, your confidence grows.
Relationships are all about assisting each other in becoming the best versions of themselves and moving their lives forward.
Allowing someone to be themselves is part of making them feel loved.
Holding back any early preconceptions or fast judgments we may have of others and allowing them to express and explore who they are.
It also allows for the attraction of opposing personalities and opposites. And this might be a spicy key to your relationship’s long-term success.
You allow your partner to make mistakes and fall flat on their face.
Allowing your spouse to make a mistake provides them more confidence and skill in the future since they know they attempted something and had the bravery to act.
It might be tough to see someone make a mistake you know how to avoid, but it can also show a lot about a person’s character to observe how they manage challenging situations and become more resilient.
Allowing someone to manage their problems with loving support rather than commentary allows them to be natural and learn for themselves from the event.
They may also astound you with how creatively and intuitively they handle an issue or problem.
You can collaborate to think outside the box.
Approaching familiar events or challenges in novel and exciting ways is one of the secrets to long-term relationship success. You push each other to think outside the box.
Why not do something you’ve never done before? Experiment with a new strategy or answer. See how it goes and take notes.
You probably already know this, but when you can honestly discuss how you feel and what you’re experiencing with your partner, you’re able to come up with some inventive solutions that would never have occurred to you before.
When you try new things and encourage each other to think and act differently, you can gain fresh insights into your life and how you interact with others.
You two fight well.
Most of us were not taught how to successfully communicate in a relationship, and there are a few issues that might make communication difficult.Fear of conflict or confrontation is one of them.
When we have difficulties expressing what we want, and when we do, our spouse does not feel heard or seen, they may get angry, selfish, or even defensive.
As a result, there is an argument, which leads to further misunderstandings and a strained relationship.
The truth is that conflict does not indicate a bad relationship or that your partner does not respect you. Conflict indicates that you are attempting to better understand each other and each other’s needs.
One of the keys to good communication with your spouse is to have open, honest conversations about what’s bothering you in the relationship, because venting helps boost trust.
It’s also critical to detect the indicators of a healthy, well-functioning partnership. If your spouse respects you, they will want to know how you are feeling and will be willing to listen.
Your spouse will believe that you care enough about them to tell them how you’re feeling, and they will reciprocate.
Your relationship is just as strong as your skill or willingness to talk with one another and work out any misconceptions.