Some people demonstrate their love by performing acts of service for their lover or assisting with household duties. Some people prefer to communicate their affection verbally. Some people exhibit their love through physical gestures, while others express their love by spending quality time with their lover.
People generally believe that their spouse speaks the same love language as them and that they exhibit love in the same way that they would like to be shown love.
However, in the case of an Empath-Narcissist relationship, this dynamic can become quite complicated.
When an Empath first meets a Narcissist, they may be misled into mistaking the Narcissist for an Empath. They may misinterpret the sweet nothings and sweet gestures that are part of a Narcissist’s Love Bombing strategy for true love and caring.
As a result, Empaths must grasp the true love language of themselves and a narcissist in order to prevent this destructive relationship dynamic.
1. Words of affirmation
When Narcissists use words of affirmation to communicate love, their aim is selfish, whereas empaths use words of affirmation to express true love and concern.
Narcissists adopt a method known as “Love Bombing,” in which they lavish their partner with endless compliments and words of adoration. They frequently use this approach to seduce their spouse at the beginning of a relationship or to hook them back into the relationship after a dispute or breakdown.
While these words may appear to be very real because Narcissists have learned the art of saying all the right things, an empath must be extremely cautious to determine whether or not their words correspond to their behaviors.
Empaths should not assume that since they are honest in their communication and treat their partner with care and respect, that everyone thinks, feels, and acts like them. A narcissist will use seductive words to benefit himself without any genuine concern or affection for the other person, and he will become aggressive at the drop of a hat if his wants are not met.
2. Quality time
To feel pleased in a relationship, we all want undivided attention and focus. However, because a Narcissist is all about himself, he is incapable of giving anyone his complete attention or quality time. His focus is constantly on himself.
He may, on the other hand, try to isolate you from your friends and family by spending the majority of his time with you, but don’t confuse this approach for love. He spends the majority of his time with you to satisfy his own needs and goals, and he wants to cut you off from your support system so that if things go wrong, you have nowhere to turn and you return to him.
Whereas an Empath shows up truthfully and seeks a heart-based connection, giving their complete attention to their partner, they will not find this deep connection with a Narcissist since he is incapable of thinking about anything other than himself.
So, while quality time is high on the love language list of Empaths, it is not on the love language list of Narcissists.
3. Receiving gifts
Narcissists are shallow, and their favored language of love is the exchange of expensive gifts. They require external stimuli to strengthen their sense of self, therefore they lavishly spend money on showy cars or electronics. When they are in the “Love Bombing” stage, they also buy extravagant gifts for their relationships.
Empaths are not materialistic in the least. They are not swayed by flashy products; instead, they choose thoughtful, meaningful, handcrafted gifts or gifts with sentimental worth. Empaths would eventually see through a Narcissist’s Love Bombing phase since they cannot feel fulfilled or loved for long with merely gifts or hollow words of affirmation.
4. Acts of service (devotion)
Narcissists believe that the entire world revolves around them, that they are entitled to everything, and that everyone should cater to their wants. They want their partner to not only handle basic activities like cooking and laundry for them, but also to cater to their every whim and fancy.
Empaths have very bad providing limits because they dislike confrontations or saying no, and they wind up doing all of the work in the relationship. As a result of their efforts to care for their partner without receiving any acknowledgment or thoughtful acts of kindness in return, they end up feeling horribly unwanted and uncared for.
This dynamic benefits Narcissists since they feed off an Empath’s energy, but it completely exhausts an Empath and makes them feel insecure or unworthy.
5. Physical touch
When it comes to physical touch, narcissists go to extremes. They want their bodily needs met at all times, but they will withhold physical affection from their spouse to punish them for an imagined pain or anger that occurred a long time ago.
Empaths crave true love and physical affection, and physical gestures are their preferred love language, but a Narcissist would withhold his love from them when they needed it the most or were most vulnerable, rather than comforting or soothing them.
Empaths believe that because they genuinely care and love others, others will reciprocate, but this is their biggest error, especially when they expect genuine love and concern from persons suffering from personality disorders such as Narcissists.
Empaths are highly sensitive persons who frequently prioritize the needs of others over their own physical, mental, and emotional needs.
This frequently results in Empath burnout. As a result, it is critical that they learn to set strong boundaries around giving and carefully select their partners in order to avoid falling into the destructive Empath Narcissist relationship dynamic.
Spot on. It’s very nauseating and physically debilitating when you get to the reality of your relationship realizing that the however many years you may have given this person you truly wholeheartedly believed was your soulmate, is in fact someone you don’t even truly know. Everything you were told, lead to believe, dreams, goals, beliefs, future, standards,..,….., you realize you were led to believe a complete lie. Like you were a victim of fraud. Violated. Told everything you wanted to hear because you were bottom line GROOMED. Yes groomed. Adults can be groomed just as much as an innocent child. It’s disgusting. The worst thing you can do is to let the narcissist know, that you know their truth. You then become their enemy. They will do anything to tear your world apart to keep you from exposing their truth to the rest of the world around them. This includes, turning your world around on you with lies, misleadings, playing victim to everything, it will always be your fault and they will do it behind your back like the cowards they are. In my case being married to one with 4 Children involved and 2 amazing families on the line to be collateral damage… Is what becomes most important to think about with every move made. All while still trying to stand my ground and not allow to be walked over or boundaries broken. Best to take the emotional part out for now and it almost becomes like playing a game. You start to get an idea of exactly how to get the preferred outcome with the narcissist. It’s exhausting. Never get comfortable because they change on a dime. Best always to remember in the back of your mind the word…. “Grooming”. If they don’t feel they are in control in some way or another that grooming becomes silent treatment, abandonment, public enemy number 1.
Well said