Real Reason Behind Your Stinky Relationship (Hint: It’s You)

Every week, men and women who are unhappy in their relationships send me hundreds of messages.

They want to understand their problems and their partner’s role in them, even if that means they keep repeating “facts” that haven’t been proven and can’t decide what to do, where to start, or whether to leave or stay.

It doesn’t seem to be enough for them to just “know” the truth; they need proof and a smack in the face.

So, that smack is what comes next. If you don’t mind hearing some hard truths, keep reading.

Look at yourself to figure out what went wrong in your relationship.

Look, I get it. If you’re unhappy or frustrated in your relationship, you want things to change. You want things to be better.

You want to know why they treat you badly, why they cheated on you, why they left, why they don’t make time for you, why they don’t value you, why you’re miserable in your relationship, and why the hell you put up with it.

Here’s how it works. When we read an article, watch a romantic comedy, or watch a rerun of a sitcom, we keep getting the same old messages:

Men are rude, stupid, or both. They don’t care about other people.
Women are never happy and talk about the same things over and over again every day for the whole relationship.

  • Men don’t care about important things.
  • Women worry about things that don’t matter too much.
  • Men don’t do enough in bed.
  • Women cross their legs as soon as they say “I do.”
  • We can infer three things from these facts: Men are bad, women are bad, and love is bad. And I’m here to tell you that you’re the one who stinks, not these things. You don’t want to make the tough choice, face the truth, and move on with your life.

Why your relationship stinks and why you are to blame

I’ll explain why your relationship stinks. Because you have to live with a real jerk. Even though they didn’t start out that way, they are now one. What do you know? You still hang out with them! Responsibility hurts, doesn’t it?

It’s hard to look at the world and realize that we’re to blame for our own problems. Please don’t say that “you can’t choose who you fall in love with.” That is not true at all. It’s a victim’s statement, which means that you act like life is just happening to you and that the Powers That Be are using you in the wrong way. Quit it.

You are choosing to stay, which shows either how much you value yourself or how much you want to feel loved. That’s why you didn’t listen to all the signs that showed you were in love with a jerk:

  • When they took hours or days to answer your calls or texts.
  • When they only called when it was convenient for them or when they needed something.
  • When you caught them sending flirty texts to someone else and they said that person is “just a friend.”
  • When they talked about your friends, your job, your hobbies, your clothes, your haircut, your attitude, your parents, and your weight over and over again.
  • Why didn’t you leave after all that if you wanted to keep your sense of self-worth?

You let the jerk do too much

I’ll tell you why. Either you expected them to change your sense of self-worth, which will never happen, or they gave you something that met one of your basic needs and did it often enough to keep you hooked.

Many of you who are reading this are unhappy in your relationship, but you stay. You stay and make up lame excuses about your kids or money, but the real reason is that you are afraid to leave.

You like what you know, and the thought of something new makes you freeze. And you, yes you, the person reading this and shaking their head and saying, “No, that’s not me…that’s not me.” Yes! You, too. We all know who you are. You fake a smile at family gatherings and act like everything is “okay” or “good enough.”

Don’t keep saying how bad things are with this person. It’s easy. Why the hell would you stay with someone who makes you miserable? Do yourself a favor if you’re really unhappy: Go home, grab that dusty bag at the top of your closet, pack your crap, and leave! Too bad life is so short.

You might be afraid of being by yourself. So, what do you know? That’s not true at all. There are about as many men as there are women in the world, which is 7.1 billion people. So, whether you want a man or a woman, you can choose from about 3.5 billion people. Those are good chances of being happy.

To the men who complain by saying things like, “My old lady changed when we got married.” Really? You didn’t notice the red flags? You didn’t understand how she was messing with your mind when your friends told you? How did she have something to say about everything you did?

She probably didn’t change. You finally see her for who she has always been. Also, if you call her your “old lady,” she may start acting like a jerk, and for good reason.

Change how you think about your worth.

“I just don’t get it,” say some women. “Why does he treat me like trash when I treat him so well?” Why are you still with him if he treats you like trash? is a better question to ask yourself. Don’t base how valuable you are on what a man thinks of you. For a change, accept and love yourself.

If you’re a man and your girlfriend or wife has stopped going down on you after a few years, try shaving those matted, pubic dreadlocks once in a while. Do you think your girl wants to see your Shih Tzu up close? Do a few sit-ups while you’re down there. Take some pride in the way you look.

To the women who wonder why he stopped trying, maybe he’s doing what you do. He needs women who are just like the ones he fell in love with: funny, mysterious, smart, with shaved legs and make-up, sexy, and attractive. Sweaters and ponytails are great (and sometimes even sexy), but why would he chase after someone he doesn’t find attractive if he can’t get to the woman he wants?

Want to be truly happy? Quit making up reasons. Stay away from jerks. Happiness comes from within, and you’ll never get it if you don’t take action. Make a move. Do anything. Stop acting like life is happening to you already. You are, unfortunately, a part of your own misery, and you are the only one who can do anything about it.

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